One Year

Today marks one year.

One whole year since you’ve been gone.

You took a piece of your heart with me when you left that day – a piece of my heart I don’t want back.

I miss you more than I ever imagined I would…or even could.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you – your smile, your love…even your temper (although you never stayed mad for long). :0)

I loved the way your eyes lit up when we walked in the room – your love for us ran so deep, you truly enjoyed every moment we spent together.

I still think of you every time I see a bag of Werther's Caramels in the grocery store. Can you believe I still have the last bag you bought for me? I guess a little part of me doesn’t want to let that go.

Growing up, you were always so supportive, never missing a game – even travelling out of town for all-star and summer tournaments. I thank you for that.

The last Christmas we shared together will always make me laugh, especially our group family picture. When I told everyone to do something silly on the count of three, you smiled and said “Ha-heee!” I still remember you sitting there as we played that silly board game, running frantically through the house to collect items listed on a card before the timer ran out. I truly felt the love and warmth of a family that day.

Some days, the ache left in my heart hurts so bad I can hardly breathe. They say it gets better with time, and I know it will – but I’m not there yet.

I saved a voicemail from you on my phone and I still listen to it from time to time – I don’t ever want to forget the sound of your voice.

I’m grateful I can hold on to the fact that I WILL see you again one day. I can’t wait to hug you and hear you call me your punkin once more.

Until we meet again…all my love.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep…

I apologize for the lack of a Fitness Friday today. This week obviously hasn’t lent a whole lot of time for fitness or workout routines. Regular workouts will resume tomorrow.

I was asked to speak at my grandfather’s funeral. About a year ago, he asked me to read a poem, the same one I also read at my grandmother’s funeral. I knew I had more to share than just the few lines of a poem. My heart was full, it just wouldn’t overflow onto paper. I couldn’t figure out what to say or how to say it, but I knew I wanted to get one message across – time, family, memories – cherish all three. Finally, about 15 minutes before the funeral, a few things came to me. It was after the funeral that my mind truly came alive with stories, jokes, funny times together….as I remember stories, I’m going to write them down so I can keep them with me. Next time I feel sad or start to miss him, I’ll pull them out and have a good laugh. The following is a synopsis of what I shared with those who came to celebrate my grandfather’s life with us:

“Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don’t. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.”

92 years may seem like a long time to a lot of you, but in this life – and to all of those who loved my grandfather, it was way too short. If there’s anything I can impress upon you today, it’s to LOVE those who you have here on this earth with you now. Spend the moments you’ve been blessed with and enjoy them. Make those precious memories today…for when they are gone, memories are all you have left.

My grandfather always loved the song, Amazing Grace. He absolutely LOVED when it was played by our church orchestra with the steel guitar. He once said that he would love it if he could hear someone sing Amazing Grace in French. The song you will hear in a few moments is indeed Amazing Grace in French and was played for him during his final moments. His passing was a very peaceful one as he was was surrounded by  loving family when he took his final breath.

I’m sure going to miss my grandpa. He was a wonderful man. He had an infectious smile, he loved to laugh and tell jokes, and he often told us, “I’m 92 years old, I can say whatever I want!” (and boy did he ever)! I know he’s now reunited with my grandmother, truly happy and at home – no pain, no sorrow, no suffering. I can look back on the memories we have together and smile, those memories will remain in my heart forever.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
Gwen Tupper

Now I lay me down to sleep,
My body at rest my soul at peace.

When you wake and find me gone,
Please take care - I've made it home.

My mom and dad have gone on to be with the Lord, you see,
Now we're together - They've been waiting for me.

What a joyous reunion with family and friends,
Laughter and Love, a new life to begin.

I know you'll miss me, hold tight and be strong,
We shall all see each other again and it won't be long.

I've come to the Lord and now I truly understand,
That what has happened to me was in the Master's Plan.

Save your tears, I hurt no more,
I'm with the Lord on Heaven's Shores.

Now I lay me down to sleep,
My body at rest,
My soul at peace ...

Rest In Peace, My Sweet Grandpa

I knew this day would eventually arrive, but I sure didn’t think it would come so soon. On Monday afternoon, my grandfather took his last breath and passed from this earth to his heavenly home.

Sunday was a hard day for me as I saw the signs - I knew it was coming soon. I didn’t sleep well at all on Sunday night and prayed that I would have just one more chance to speak with him to tell him how much I loved him. My prayer was granted and Monday morning, my dad and I were able to speak with my grandfather. We talked about eternity and in the midst of our tears, my grandfather cracked jokes and made us laugh. He saw our tears and asked if we knew something he didn’t. He wanted to know if the Doctors were telling us something they weren’t telling him. I didn’t need a Doctor to tell me what I was seeing, all the signs were there. He then informed us, “I’m not giving up, y’all don’t have to worry”. Sweet man. Despite his body shutting down, his mind was still there, even at the very end.

Throughout the morning on Monday, his breathing became labored and his speech grew slurred. Around 2 p.m., the aide and I turned him. I was holding his hand and as he opened his eyes to look up at me, he asked for the time. I told him that it was 2 o’clock and he asked why I wasn’t at work. I responded that it’s because I was with him! He brought my hand to his lips, he kissed my hand, then told me that I was his angel. I told him I loved him and that was the last time I heard him say he loved me too. 

As his respirations continued to decrease, my entire family remained by his side. I found the Cajun French version of Amazing Grace on my phone and played the 3 minute song all the way through. We were holding his hands as he took his final breath.

As we prepare for his funeral today, I’m not ready – I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. I know I was blessed to have my grandfather around for so much of my life and I will cherish the wonderful memories we shared together.

Ogden Abshire, 92, was called to his Heavenly home surrounded by his loving family at 4:30 PM on Monday, July 1, 2013.

Mr. Abshire was born on July 8, 1920. He worked as a diesel mechanic for 32 years. Mr. Abshire attended Glad Tidings Church and St. Theodore Catholic Church where he was a member of the Knights of Columbus. Mr. Abshire played the guitar with Papa Joe Cairo and enjoyed fishing, gardening, and spending time with his family. He will always be remembered as a devoted husband, father, grandfather, and great-grandfather. Mr. Abshire was preceded in death by his wife and 1 son. He leaves behind 3 children, 11 grand children, 20 great-grandchildren, and 6 great-great-grandchildren.

“I thank my God in all my remembrances of you.” Philippians 1:3

Grandfather Update

There’s no beating around the bush so I will get right to it.

During my grandfather’s colonoscopy on Friday, they discovered that he has colon cancer. It’s a very early and small-ish tumor and it was oozing, which played a big part in his drop in blood counts. He was also taking a low dose blood thinner which is what played a huge roll in his rapid blood loss.

After lengthy discussions with the surgeon, the gastroenterologist, the cardiologist, and his primary care doctor, we’ve weighed all the options and decided that it would cause him more harm to remove the tumor at this point. He would have to endure general surgery and he’s 92 years old - anesthesia and recovery from a procedure like that doesn’t have a good outcome with someone of his age with his health issues. I’ve told everyone, we just want to be reasonable and we want to do the right thing - unfortunately in this case, there is no right or wrong answer. I don’t want to push anything on my grandfather that is not reasonable, which includes surgery or any type of treatment. His physicians do not believe that the tumor will cause him additional harm in his lifetime (perforation of the bowel, blockages, etc). They think something else will get him before the tumor will.

We also had the opinion of an oncologist but he’s NOT who I wanted my grandfather to see and when I found out who was on call, I already knew what his determination would be before he even came in the room. I’m making an appointment with an oncologist of MY choice this week, not for chemo…just to discuss options and his opinion.

The hospital my grandfather is staying in is NOT the one I work at and he’s on the heart floor, not the oncology floor. Let’s just say he (and we) have had less than “excellent” care this hospital boasts. Most of the nurses don’t know me, which also means they don’t realize who I know, including the oncology nurse manager of the hospital. I’ve already spoken with her and she gave great advice and told me to call if I need anything.

Anyway, my grandfather is bound and determined to get back home. Whether that happens or not, we will see. At the moment, the plan is for him to go back to the care center to resume physical therapy and go from there. Thanks again for all of the prayers and concern! We appreciate it more than you could possibly ever know!

Also, don’t forget about my Zensah Argyle Compression Socks Giveaway! Ends on Friday!

Life

Thanks for all the concern over my ITBand from the race this weekend! I’ll be back tomorrow with a full race recap. For now, I’m going to share a few thoughts that have been rolling around in my mind this past weekend.

Here’s the scoop on my grandfather.

He’s 92 years old. He’s a diabetic. Lucky for him, he’s been doing SO well and has lived at home by himself up until this point. I stopped by for a visit on Thursday and discovered a pretty bad foot issue – he had been doctoring it himself.

I drove him straight to the Emergency Room and my parents met up with us there. He was admitted for IV antibiotics over the weekend and will have to have surgery either today or tomorrow to remove the source of infection on his foot.

I’m a nurse and I’ve seen and done a lot. It’s times like this when I hate being in the medical field. Life is fragile and so are 92 year olds. Putting a 92 year old under anesthesia is not a good idea. However, we are stuck – the source of infection HAS to be removed. Another concern of ours is the site of surgery – if there’s poor blood flow to the area, will it even heal? So what do we do? We are between a rock and a hard place.

My grandfather has been a huge part of my life from birth until now. Him and my grandmother kept me on weekdays until I started Kindergarten. They picked us up from school every single day and kept us until our parents got off work. They had us every summer until we were old enough to stay home alone. I often spent the night at their house on weekends.

I love him to pieces and am not ready to say goodbye. I joke with him and he jokes with me. I love our relationship.

Working in Oncology has really opened my eyes to life and living to the fullest. I don’t know what the end result of all of this will be, but I’m trying to hope for the best. I’m not trying to sound un-optimistic, he may come out of all of this completely fine and go on with life – none of us know, but that’s what we are hoping for.

Until then, I’m holding on to the promises.

My grandfather and my family REALLY appreciate your prayers!! Thanks so much!

Romans 8:38-39
”Yes, I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor ruling spirits, nothing now, nothing in the future, no powers, nothing above us, nothing below us, nor anything else in the whole world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”